Losing a child is devastating. It comes with grief, blame and emotional baggage that needs time getting out of. However, it should be noted that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage and almost always, it is not the mother’s fault. Recovering from the loss of an unborn requires patience and support and here is a guide on how to cope with a miscarriage.

1.      Don’t play the blame game

The first thing a person does during this difficult time is to give something or someone the blame. It is easy to put the blame on oneself but that never aids in the recovery – it just adds to the misery. Yes, specifics like drug use and immense stress can impact the health of the child causing a miscarriage but, one cannot reverse what has happened. It is important to learn and move on. Most of the time, it is no one’s fault. If you feel like you can’t help but blame yourself, talk to your loved ones.

2.      Seek emotional support

After a miscarriage, one can experience a whirlpool of emotions ranging from sorrow, shock, anger, denial to guilt. There can be a sense of lack of control and problems in coming to acceptance of what has happened. The best way to deal with the emotions is to firstly understand and accept the reality. Know that you’ll be gifted with much more and that whatever happens, happens for the best. It’s not easy to tell yourself or your partner that, so if talking to friends, family and peers is not an option, go for counseling. During this emotional outbreak, a specialist will be able to decipher your feelings. It is common to go for therapy, and it is nothing to be ashamed about. Take time and let it all out, but make sure that it doesn’t put a strain on your relationship.

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3.      Filter out the negative

Not everyone has been through this and hence, they do not know how to react to the news. Even family can be insensitive and end up hurting the individual with their remarks. During this time, your body and your spiritual self is healing. You should never have to take in the negativity. Everyone’s grief is unique and if you want to have a funeral, if you do not feel like weeping, if you feel like staying busy, if you want a friend’s night out – go for it! You should be able to relieve yourself.

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4.      Don’t ignore your physical needs

Once you feel better emotionally and physically, it is important to find a medium to channel your energy. Do not feel that you’re alone and that getting back to your life routine will be an unfair thing to do. The past is the past and you’re alive to create a beautiful future. Exercise, make love to your partner and let the good things come to you. If you experienced a miscarriage at the end of your pregnancy, your body will take time coming back to its normal size and shape. The key is to not give up!

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5.      Know that the physical discomfort will pass

Some women deal with breasts that produce milk, others with a flabby stomach, bleeding, discomfort, nausea, vaginal discharge, and fever. It will take a few days for your body to revert back to its old self. If you feel tired than usual and your fatigue is not allowing you to perform daily chores, consult a doctor.

It is hard to let go of your own flesh and blood, especially if the pregnancy was planned. But know that skies above, the little soul is having fun with angels and smiling at you.