Burdening relationships suck the juice out of people. It makes them unhappy and depressed. The anxiousness makes them end up wondering if they’re good enough, and the manipulation makes them believe that they’re not. Before they know it, they’re suffering from low self-esteem, binge eating or not eating at all, smoking to feel better and are on their way to losing their peace of mind. We’re not only on about romantic relationships. Other platonic relationships with friends, family and work peers can be just as toxic.
Firstly, you have to identify if you’re around a toxic person and here are some red flags:
· You’re feeling drained and out of energy the whole time.
· You’re feeling negative and not your usual self.
· There’s no trust.
· Everything is unpredictable.
· You feel like you’re constantly judged.
· There’s a communication barrier.
· You’re being disrespected.
· There’s always a lot of drama.
· There are feelings of jealousy and envy.
· The blame-game is a part of the routine.
· You’re uncomfortable.
· Someone close to you believes that the person is not good for you.
· The person brings out your worse.
Hakeem’s Advice: You can be in love and still be in a toxic relationship. Remember, toxic relationships worsen with time and life’s too short to be unhappy!
Now that we know what makes a relationship toxic, here are tips to get out of it:
1. Accept the reality
You have to step out of denial and realize that you’re heading down the wrong road. Things may temporarily feel file, but in the long run, not only will you be sacrificing your mental health, but also your happiness – just because of a person? It’s not worth the time, effort and cost. Once you pinpoint the fact that yes, you’re in fact in a troubled relationship, also tell yourself that apologies do not matter. People do not change overnight and that the word sorry loses its meaning when it’s uttered repeatedly.
2. Write down the list of pros and cons
Think of it as an art activity that you used to do in school or an important business investment –whatever made you weigh the pros and cons earlier in life. When we purchase an expensive thing, we make sure that the payment for it is justified. This is your time, your health, your happiness and your life on line and so the list of pros and cons is mandatory. Grab a piece of paper and start. Be true to yourself and don’t sugarcoat things. If the list of cons exceeds the pros, you know that it’s not worth your investment.
3. Fill the void
Most people fear that cutting ties or distancing oneself from the toxic person will make them lonely. There’s so much out there waiting for you to explore it – people, places and experiences! Try to stay busy and engage yourself in activities that allow you to think little about the other individual. You can meet up with friends, join cooking classes, find a new activity to engage yourself in – the possibilities are endless. Remember, it isn’t healthy to start finding a replacement for the relationship before you heal.
4. Reward yourself
Pamper yourself with things you like and spend time on yourself. Understand that you always come first and it is not selfish to think about your needs and your mental well-being. Some people blame themselves and resort to staying in a harmful relationship. In that case, it is vital to seek therapy. Therapists keep conversations confidential and help the individual get back on track with their lives.
5. Work on healing yourself
When you’ve chosen to let go of the person in your mind, start letting go in real life. It is time to move on, start fresh and shift your priorities. Marriage counselors recommend, letting go of the person’s possessions and memories as well by blocking virtual contact and eliminating the things that remind you of that person in life. Like they say, when one door closes, many more open. You just have to focus on the positive!
Hakeem’s Advice: YOU DESERVE BETTER. Say it. Paste it on your fridge and repeat it at night before you sleep.
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship, if so, how did you break free?
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